Validation: why they’ll never validate you. [3240]
Friend , I say this kindly; they’re never going to make you feel secure… so give it up.
As humans we always want to be affirmed that what we’re doing is correct, proper, well received, acceptable: when the reality is no one will ever be able to give you the affirmation that your looking for. Instagram will never make your feel better, the people on the street are not going to make your feel beautiful based off of their 10 second perception of you, your family who you see four times a year shouldn’t have such a high valued opinion of your life.
We’re raised in a world where the commentary of other is meant to be taken with a grain of salt but now and days people talk as if their reality of you is set and finite. Recently people’s opinions have become a source of validity when the truth is it’s just that: it’s THEIR OPINION. And that’s the proof of the pudding, right? When you go to bed at night, it’s you who has to deal with you and everything you go through and the choice you make; when you open your eyes, it’s you who has to get yourself going for this life.
All of this is to say that outside opinions don’t matter, or at least they shouldn’t. I think we live in time where people need to be validated by others because that’s what we’re taught: that peoples perceptions of you are more important than your reality. And it’s hard to say that’s not true because we check out social medias, and ask out friends ‘what do you think?’ to sway how we steer the path of our life and yet, even then sometimes people still feel unfulfilled, lost, misguided.
As humans we naturally seek out guidance, nourishment, and community but our society has gotten us to the point that we seek out codependency and validation.
The tough truth is they’ll never be able to validate you or make you feel the security that you’re looking for. They too have their own world, and truth be told they don’t care. At least in theory— not to say your friends and family don’t care about you but when it boils down it’s always self preservation. Self awareness, acceptance, and accountability is the name of the game: being able to steer a path for yourself that’s not only yours but firm in your beliefs, wants, and needs. Without the outside noise of the world that makes your think you like something when the truth is you hate it.
I wrote this simply to say look within. Cause no matter how many conversations you have, how many views and likes that post gets, or how many people compliment you; if you can’t live with you then why would someone else?
Peace,
jo 🫶🏾
I’ve always wanted to be seen by eyes that never saw me; heard by ears that never listen to me; desperate to feel love from a shell that was so empty that it echoed back my admiration.
I wanted to feel arms protecting me in an embrace that I could only translate to be a hug despite the fingers that coiled delicately around my neck. No matter how much I gave, how much of myself I poured into others, their cup was always broken, falsified by the illusions of duality; lovingly hateful, happily angry, peacefully violent.
Comfort grew from the flames because I was born in a inferno; I never knew the difference between a sharp knife and dull blade because oftentimes pain meant love and love meant hate.
